Goodbye Facebook. I can’t do it anymore.
Last week, I decided to delete the app from my phone.
This week, I made the mistake of logging into the desktop version and remembering why I left in the first place.
As I scrolled through the news feed, I began to feel a pressure build up in my mind — a strange mix of anger and anxiety. The more I scrolled. The worst it got.
It started off with a story about a girl getting murdered and left in a bush, quickly followed by a supposedly heartfelt video about a mother neglecting housework to hold her baby.
The story of the murdered girl came up again. Then a group post warning about local break-ins. Manicured re-posted Instagram photos made their appearances.
Another news article came up and naturally, people in the comments got offended. In between was more angry posts about things I didn’t particularly care about.
At some point, my brain consciously yelled at me to stop. It was only refueling a flame I’ve been trying to put over the past few months.
When I had my baby, the chemical cocktails that made me changed. The balance shifted and turned me into a semi wreck at the sight of carefully engineered portraits of people and their babies. I felt like a crap mom every time I purposefully left my child to cry while I washed her bottles.
Then there were the outings that people took their babies and toddlers too. The scenes of messes made with an impeccably clean house in the backdrop. My backdrop is usually a mountain of laundry and egg trays.
In between all this is people getting offended over things that were not created for them, death, murders, community break-ins, stolen vehicles, screenshot warns about scammers, emotion-fueled politics and ads.
A lot of ads.
This artificially engineered filter was morphing my view of the world and I didn’t like it.
Without Facebook on my phone, I shifted to Twitter.
There, I can see the people and things I actually like — in real time and unedited by algorithms that decide what I ought to see.
I haven’t deactivated my account though. I’m only keeping it for the instant messaging aspect. Everyone has the app. There are custom groups with various family members. We share jokes. We discuss articles. We connect as individuals and humans.
That’s the only saving feature of the almost 10-year relationship I have with the social media.
Apart from that, I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I’ve stopped caring.
I’ve stopped scrolling.
I’ve stopped connecting — because there is nothing for me to connect to in a positive manner.
I want growth.
I want to change.
Not more of the same morbid world that we live in.