Day 6: The day I officially said no to paid full time employment
Today I turned away the last of the recruiters. Not because I got a job but because I have a desire I want to fulfill.
In the past few days, I’ve been stringing them along. But deep down I knew that they can never give me what I want — the true freedom to chose what I want to do, unhindered by departmental heads or dancing around managerial politics. I want to be in a space where I can learn and make and experiment. I want mobility.
I’ve made my choice — 6 days ago to be exact.
And saying that I’m available for employment when my heart is now travelling in the opposite direction is like being a bad girlfriend gas lighting the other party on. I was giving them false hope and it wasn’t fair.
With my LinkedIn availability and job board profiles switched off, I felt somewhat lighter. But with these actions also comes a sense of finality — that this is it. I am in charge of my own destiny now. What I do next determines my future.
This is the moment I go all in and ready to fail.
The faster I fail, the faster I learn. The faster I learn, the faster I can improve. The faster I can improve, the faster I get closer to what I’m trying to achieve.
While the prospect of freelancing and creating my own thing does have a degree of uncertainty — there is certainty in the mobility I now have with my time and mind.
There are theories I want to test, designs I want to do and clients I want to pursue. Finding a ‘proper’ job goes in the opposite direction of what I’m trying to achieve. Today I said no to the potential of paid full time employment in order to open myself up to opportunities and fail properly.
Today is the day I make a conscious choice to focus on what’s truly important and act on it.